WIFE-SPEAK What she says... What she really means... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- * We need <=> I want! * It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now! * Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later! * We need to talk <=> I need to complain! * Sure... go ahead <=> I don't want you to do that. * I'm not upset <=> Of course I'm upset, you moron. * You're ... so manly <=> You need a shave and you smell of sweat. * You're certainly attentive tonight. <=> Is sex all you ever think about? * I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! <=> I'm on my period. * Be romantic, turn out the lights. <=> I have fat thighs. * This kitchen is so inconvenient <=> I want a new house. * The gas tank is empty <=> Go fill it up... * The trash is full <=> Take it out * The dog is barking <=> Go outside in the rain in your underware and see what is wrong. * I want new curtains <=> and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... * I need wedding shoes <=> the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white * I heard a noise <=> I noticed you were almost asleep. * Do you love me? <=> I'm going to ask for something expensive. * How much do you love <=> I did something today you're really not going to me? like. * Nothing is wrong. <=> Everything is wrong. * I don't want to talk about it. <=> Go away, I'm still building up steam. * I'm NOT angry <=> I'm pissed! * I'll be ready in a minute. <=> Take off your shoes and find a good football game on T.V. * Am I fat? <=> Tell me I'm beautiful. * You have to learn to communicate. <=> Just agree with me. * Are you listening!? <=> Too late, you're dead... * Are you cold? <=> Get out of bed and close the window! * What do you think of my new hair style? <=> Say it's beautiful - if you value your life... * Tell me the truth about my new dress. <=> Lie.