WIFE-SPEAK   
  
  What she says...        What she really means...
  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
  * We need               <=>  I want!
  * It's your decision    <=>  The correct decision should be obvious by now!
  * Do what you want      <=>  You'll pay for this later!
  * We need to talk       <=>  I need to complain!
  * Sure... go ahead      <=>  I don't want you to do that.
  * I'm not upset         <=>  Of course I'm upset, you moron.
  * You're ... so manly   <=>  You need a shave and you smell of sweat.
  * You're certainly      
    attentive tonight.    <=>  Is sex all you ever think about?
  * I'm not emotional!      
    And I'm not 
    overreacting!         <=>  I'm on my period.
  * Be romantic, turn
    out the lights.       <=>  I have fat thighs.
  * This kitchen is so
    inconvenient          <=>  I want a new house. 
  * The gas tank is empty <=>  Go fill it up...
  * The trash is full     <=>  Take it out
  * The dog is barking    <=>  Go outside in the rain in your underware 
                               and see what is wrong.
  * I want new curtains   <=>  and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
  * I need wedding shoes  <=>  the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
  * I heard a noise       <=>  I noticed you were almost asleep.
  * Do you love me?       <=>  I'm going to ask for something expensive.
  * How much do you love  <=>  I did something today you're really not going to
    me?                        like.
  * Nothing is wrong.     <=>  Everything is wrong.
  * I don't want to
      talk about it.      <=>  Go away, I'm still building up steam.
  * I'm NOT angry         <=>  I'm pissed!
  * I'll be ready in
       a minute.          <=>  Take off your shoes and find a good football
                               game on T.V.
  * Am I fat?             <=>  Tell me I'm beautiful.
  * You have to learn
       to communicate.    <=>  Just agree with me.
  * Are you listening!?   <=>  Too late, you're dead...
  * Are you cold?         <=>  Get out of bed and close the window!    
  * What do you think
    of my new hair style? <=>  Say it's beautiful - if you value your life...
  * Tell me the truth
    about my new dress.   <=>  Lie.