REJECTED STATE MOTTOS
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ALABAMA: Literacy ain't everything
Ya want fries with dat?
ALASKA: Come, freeze your butt off
ARIZONA: Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
ARKANSAS: At least we're not Mississippi
CALIFORNIA: The Granola State
Nobody's actually from here
Fast reloading lanes available
The really long state
COLORADO: Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
Official home of the winter ski bunny
CONNECTICUT: Way too close to New York
DELAWARE: You'll need a map to find us
So close to Washington you can smell it
FLORIDA: The Gunshine State
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans
go to die
Senior citizen discounts available
Come, enjoy the humidity
The snow capital of the US
GEORGIA: Home of the Rednecks
Gateway to Florida
Confederate money welcome
HAWAII: Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over
Book 'em Danno
Tom Selik, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise!
Come, get lai-ed
IDAHO: Ain't nothing here
We don't care if you spell potato with an "e"
Land of a billion "eyes"
ILLINOIS: Land of the voting dead
Gateway to Iowa
INDIANA: Home of David Letterman
IOWA: Just east of Omaha
It's easy to spell
KANSAS: Hayfever capital of the Midwest
Dole slept here
There's no place like home
Ya want flat, we got flat
KENTUCKY: Tobacco is a vegetable
We're all related
Gateway to Nashville
LOUISIANA: Swim the beautiful Bayou
Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will
never hurt you
MAINE: For Sale
You can spit on Canada from here
MARYLAND: If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us
MASSACHUSETTS: Home of the young girls from Nantucket,
also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm...
MICHIGAN: Land of the free, home of the Buick
MINNESOTA: Not Sweden, but we try to act like it
Sure beats Canada
MISSISSIPPI: We're lucky we can spell it
Why would you want to come here?
MISSOURI: Gateway to Kansas
Here's mine, Show Me yours
We're better than Illinois
MONTANA: Land of the Big Sky, and very little else
We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods
It's where you're wanted.
At least our cows are sane.
NEBRASKA: More corn than Kansas
Go to Kansas, turn north
NEVADA: More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too)
2 words - Death Valley
3:5 you'll leave broke
We have our own nuclear testing site
NEW HAMPSHIRE: Like Old Hampshire, only newer
About as exciting as Vermont
NEW JERSEY: You have the right to remain silent,
You have the right to an attorney...
Tell 'em Guido sent ya
NEW MEXICO: Lizards make excellent pets
We have reservations
Alien Welcome Center - Roswell
NEW YORK: At least we're not New Jersey!
We're more than a big city; we're a state
Like we CARE about a motto
English spoken here; sometimes
NORTH CAROLINA: Five million people; Fifteen last names
We're bigger than South Carolina
NORTH DAKOTA: The OTHER South Dakota
OHIO: Don't judge us by Cleveland
Proud polluters of Lake Erie
We're easy to spell
OKLAHOMA: We're OK, you're NOT!
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto
OREGON: As pretty as California but not as weird
We're not named after a musical instrument
You can see the sunset from here
PENNSYLVANIA: Cook with coal
Free lub job with oil change
RHODE ISLAND: Size ain't everything
Nobody famous came from Rhode Island
SOUTH CAROLINA: Just south of North Carolina
SOUTH DAKOTA: Closer than North Dakota
TENNESSEE: The Educashun State
Thank goodness we've still got Elvis
A great fixer-upper
TEXAS: Si Hablo Ingles
See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas!
UTAH: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus
At least our sheep can't talk
VERMONT: Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns
VIRGINIA: Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!
WASHINGTON: We like our state, so STAY OUT!
WEST VIRGINIA: Where "family values" has a different meaning
WISCONSIN: Land of funny accents.
Say "Cheeeese"
WYOMING: Where men are lonely and sheep are scared
--
Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net.
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