Season 1  (1972 - 1973)
Regular Cast - Alan Alda, Gary Burghoff, Larry Linville, Wayne Rogers,
McLean Stevenson, Loretta Swit
 
1. M*A*S*H -- The Pilot Episode
   Written by Larry Gelbart
   Directed by Gene Reynolds
 
   The Swamp's Korean houseboy, Ho John, is accepted to attend school at
Hawkeye's alma mater.  The camp raises $2000 to send Ho John to Maine by
raffling a weekend in Tokyo with a nurse, much to the chagrin of Hot Lips
and Burns.  The winner?  Father Mulcahy!
 
2. Henry, Please Come Home
   Written by Laurence Marks
   Directed by William Wiard
 
   Due to the great success rate of the 4077th, Henry is transferred to
administrative duty in Tokyo.  Hawkeye and Trapper convince Radar to fake
an illness to get Henry to return.
 
3. To Market, To Market
   Written by Burt Styler
   Directed by Michael O'Herlihy
 
   After the 4077th supply of hydrocortisone is hijacked by black marketeers,
Hawkeye and Trapper concoct a deal with a local black marketeer (Jack Soo)
to get some more.  The catch:  Henry's antique oak desk, which is whisked
away by chopper as Henry watches in disbelief.
 
4. Germ Warfare
   Written by Larry Gelbart
   Directed by Terry Becker
 
   Hawkeye plays Dracula when he steals a pint of Frank's blood.  When he
suspects Frank of hepatitis, he works frantically (with Radar and Trapper)
to keep him away from everyone, including Hot Lips.
 
5. The Moose
   Written by Laurence Marks
   Directed by Hy Averback
 
   Hawkeye ends up winning a Korean girl as servant from the sergeant who
purchased her.  The girl, unfortunately, has a hard time understanding
Hawkeye when he attempts to set her free.
 
6. I Hate a Mystery
   Written by Hal Dressner
   Directed by Hy Averback
 
   Hawkeye plays detective when he becomes the chief suspect in a stealing
epidemic.  His sleuthful work leads him to the guilty party, none other than
Ho John (who still hasn't left for Maine).
 
7.  Chief Surgeon Who?
    Written by Larry Gelbart
    Directed by E. W. Swackhamer
 
    Frank and Hot Lips fume when Hawkeye is named chief surgeon over Frank.
They call up a general (Sorell Booke) who arrives in camp only to encounter
Klinger (his first appearance of the series), declares the camp nuts and
Hawkeye a genius.
 
8.  Requiem for a Lightweight
    Written by Bob Klane
    Directed by Hy Averback
 
    Trapper enters the intercamp boxing tournament to save a beautiful nurse
(Marcia Strassman) from being transferred out by Henry, at Hot Lips' request.
 
9.  Cowboy
    Written by Bob Klane
    Directed by Don Weis
 
    Henry refuses to let a chopper pilot go home, and the pilot feels there
is no alternative but to kill Henry.
 
10. Yankee Doodle Doctor
    Written by Laurence Marks
    Directed by Lee Philips
 
    The camp makes a film in response to one made about the 4077th at
the request of a brigadier general.  Guest appearance by Ed Flanders.
 
11. Bananas, Crackers, and Nuts (After Me, the Deluge)
    Written by Burt Styler
    Directed by Bruce Bilson
 
    After being denied R&R, Hawkeye fakes insanity, causing many problems
for the psychiatrist (Stuart Margolin) sent to study him.
 
12.  Edwina
     Written by Hal Dresner
     Directed by James Sheldon
 
     The nurses go to extremes to find a date of Nurse Eddie (Edwina)--they
won't go out with anyone until Eddie gets a date.  The men draw straws, and
Hawkeye is the big loser, especially after Eddie nearly kills him in a
scene resembling teenage "mating" rituals. :)
 
13.  Dear Dad
     Written by Larry Gelbart
     Directed by Gene Reynolds
 
     Hawkeye writes his dad, describing the antics of the 4077th--including
Mulcahy convincing Klinger not to kill himself.  For the finale, Hawkeye goes
to the front dressed as Santa to help save a wounded soldier.
 
14.  Love Story
     Written by Laurence Marks
     Directed by Earl Bellamy
 
     Radar gets a "Dear John" letter.  To help cheer him up, Hawkeye and
Trapper try to help him with a new nurse who's into classical literature and
music.  Radar's "Ahhhh, Bach!" and "That's highly significant," quotes win him
a friend in the nurse.
 
15.  Tuttle
     Written by Bruce Shelly and David Ketchum
     Directed by William Wiard
 
     Hawkeye and Trapper, with Radar's help, invent a fictitious Capt. Tuttle
so that his salary can be donated to help a local orphanage.  Almost caught
by James B. Sikking of Hill St. and Doogie Howser fame, Hawkeye must
sorrowfully tell the camp of Tuttle's fate to the whole camp--he leaped from
a chopper without a parachute.
 
16.  The Ringbanger
     Written by Jerry Mayer
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
     A colonel (Leslie Nielsen) with a high casualty record in the object of
the attention of Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar, who conspire send him home
before he gets anyone else killed.
 
17.  Dear Dad...Again
     Written by Sheldon Keller and Larry Gelbart
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
     Hawkeye tells his dad of the cooling romance between Frank and Hot Lips
and Radar's correspondance corse.
 
18.  Sometimes You Hear the Bullet
     Written by Carl Kleinschmitt
     Directed by William Wiard
 
     Hawkeye is confronted with death when he is unable to save an old
journalist friend (James Callahan) who is killed on the front.  The death
spurs Hawkeye to send an underaged soldier (Ron Howard) home.  Meanwhile,
Frank throws out his back and applies for a Purple Heart.
 
19.  The Longjohn Flap
     Written by Alan Alda
     Direct by William Wiard
 
     Hawkeye gets a pair of longjohns from home.  Feeling sorry for Trapper,
who has a cold, he gives him the longjohns, which pass into the hands of most
of the camp before getting back in Hawkeye's hands.
 
 
20.  Major Fred C. Dobbs
     Written by Sid Dorfman
     Directed by Don Weis
 
     A silly episode where Frank, who threatens transfer, is convinced to stay
when hears Hawkeye and Trapper say they discovered gold.  The joke's on
Frank when he finds, amongst other things, a gilded jeep!
 
21.  Sticky Wicket
     Written by Laurence Marks and Larry Gelbart
     Directed by Don Weis
 
     Hawkeye and Frank argue over Frank's ability as a surgeon.  Then one
of Hawkeye's patients starts failing, Hawkeye starts reflecting about his
own abilities.
 
22.  The Army-Navy Game
     Written by Sid Dorfman
     Directed by Gene Reynolds
 
     The camp tunes-in to the Army-Navy football game, only to get bombed
and left with an unexploded shell in the compound.  When they try to defuse
the CIA bomb,it explodes--with American propaganda leaflets.
 
23.  Ceasefire
     Written by Laurence Marks
     Directed by Earl Bellamy
 
     The camp receives word that there's a ceasefire and erupts into
celebration, only to have their hopes shattered when wounded arrive.
 
24.  Showtime
     Written by Robert Klane and Larry Gelbart
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
     An entertainer performs for the camp in the compound.
 
25.  Divided We Stand
     Gen. Clayton assigns a psychiatrist Capt. Hildebrand (Anthony Holland)
to examine the 4077th.  Henry tells them to be on their best behavior, or else
they will be split up.  But the 4077th soon begins to act in their traditional,
inane ways.
     Written by Larry Gelbart
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
26.  Radar's Report
     Klinger's girl back home wants to marry, Hawkeye flirts with a nurse (Joan
Van Ark), and all the goings on are reported to the Army in Radar's weekly
report.
     Written by Laurence Marks
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
27.  5 O'Clock Charlie
     An inept N. Korean pilot's bombings of (near) the camp become a spectator
sport.  Frank complains that the pilot should be shot down, but it isn't until
Gen. Clayton's jeep is bombed until any action is taken.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Norman Tokar
 
28.  For the Good of the Outfit
     The accidental shelling of the S. Korean village of Tai Dong gets Hawkeye
and Trapper's attention.  While the Army accepts no responsibility, they do
plan to rebuild the village, with its own soft ice cream maker!
     Written by Jerry Mayer
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
29.  Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde
     Hawkeye is on duty for 3 days straight, and decides to send the 4077th's
latrine to N. Korea.
     Written by Alan Alda and Robert Klane
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
30.  L.I.P. (Local Indigenous Personnel)
     Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar blackmail a lt. with a few pranks to allow
Cpl. Walker to marry a local Korean girl.
     Written by Carl Kleinschmitt
     Directed by William Wiard
 
31.  Kim
     Trapper becomes very attached to an apparently orphaned little Korean boy
named Kim, and wants to adopt him--that is, if he doesn't get blown to bits in
the minefield.
     Written by Marc Mandel, Larry Gelbart, and Laurence Marks
     Directed by William Wiard
 
32.  The Trial of Henry Blake
     Houlihan and Burns challenge Col. Blake's fitness to command, and it is up
to Nurse Meg Cratty to come to the rescue.
     Written by McLean Stevenson, Larry Gelbart, and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Don  Weis
 
33.  Dear Dad...Three
     A bigoted sergeant seeking the right-"colored" blood learns a lesson in
prejudice from the 4077th.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Don Weis
 
34.  The Sniper
     A lone sniper has the 4077th pinned down--including Radar and Henry in the
shower.  The poor boy thinks he's firing on McArthur's headquarters, and a
chopper finally comes by and wounds him with gunfire from above, ending the
seige.
     Written by Richard M. Powell
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
35.  Carry On, Hawkeye
     Hawkeye is the only doctor not struck down by the flu bug.  Houlihan must
inject him in the ass with a flu shot!
     Written by Bernard Dilbert, Larry Gelbart, and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
36.  The Incubator
     Hawkeye and Trapper battle the Army in their efforts to get a badly needed
incubator for the 4077th.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
37.  Deal Me Out
     The weekly poker game is interrupted when Radar hits the infamous Whiplash
Wang with a jeep.  Pat Morita guests as one of the poker players.  A wounded
soldier (John Ritter) getting counseling from Sidney Freedman (Alan Arbus)
wants to kill Frank.  Col. Flagg (Edward Winter) also pops in.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Gene Reynolds
 
38.  Hot Lips and Empty Arms
     Maj. Houlihan decides to dump Frank and requests a transfer.
     Written by Linda Bloodworth and Mary Kay Place
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
39.  Officers Only
     Hawkeye and Trapper save Gen. Mitchell's son, and they get an officer's
club as a reward--well, sort of an officer's club.
     Written by Ed Jurist
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
40.  The Chosan People
     The local Koreans provide interesting scenarios for the 4077th.
     Written by Laurence Marks, Sheldon Keller, and Larry Gelbart
     Directed by Jackie Cooper
 
41.  As You Were
     The 4077th has no wounded for several days, until they start pouring in
again.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Hy Averback
 
42.  Crisis
     Supply lines to the 4077th are cut.  Consequently, the personnel must find
ways to deal with the shortages.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Don Weis
 
43.  Henry in Love
     Henry falls in love with Nancy Sue Parker, a former cheerleader from the
Ohio State University :) while in Tokyo.  Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar try to
prevent Henry from letting his marriage go up in smoke over her.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Don Weis
 
44.  For Want of a Boot
     A riotous episode in which Hawkeye will do anything to get a new pair of
boots.  In order to get Zale to get him some, he must get an appointment for
Zale with Futterman, the camp dentist, who will only do it if Henry will give
him a pass to Tokyo, and Henry will only grant the pass if Houlihan will get
off his back, which she will do only if the guys throw a party for Frank's
birthday with a cake, and Radar will only help get the cake if he gets a date
with Nurse Murphy, who will only date someone with a hair dryer, and Klinger
won't give up the hair dryer unless he gets a section 8 (and Frank won't sign).
The deal falls through, much to the chagrin of Hawkeye.
     Written by Sheldon Keller
     Directed by Don Weis
 
45.  Operation Noselift
     Hawkeye and Trapper arrange for an unauthorized nosejob for an unlisted
man with a huge schnozz (Mulcahy concurs).  But Hawkeye's cohort who agrees to
do the job has other interests, mainly bagging a nurse.
     Written by Erik Tarloff
     Directed by Hy Averback
 
46.  George
     In an episode that would fit the headlines in 1993, Burns tries to slap a
dishonorable discharge on a decorated soldier who admits to being a homosexual.
     Written by John Regier and Gary Markowitz
     Directed by Gene Reynolds
 
47.  Mail Call
     The arrival of a new batch of mail makes Trapper depressed and he wants to
desert, despite Hawkeye's efforts otherwise.  Meanwhile, Hawkeye learns he has
successfully tricked Frank into buying stocks in the fictitious company,
Pioneer Aviation.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Alan Alda
 
48.  A Smattering of Intelligence
     A classic episode in which Col. Flagg and another secret agent from
another intelligence agency come to the 4077th to keep their eyes on one
another and the camp.  Hawkeye and Trapper trick them both into thinking that
Burns is a traitor--one thinks he's a facist, the other thinks he's a
communist.
     Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
     Directed by Larry Gelbart
 
End of season two
 
Season 3  (1974 - 1975)
Regular Cast - Alan Alda, Gary Burghoff, Larry Linville, Wayne Rogers,
McLean Stevenson, Loretta Swit
 
49. Rainbow Bridge
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Bill Christopher, Mako, Leland Sun, Bobbie Mitchell,
             Loudon Wainwright III
 
     As Hawkeye and Trapper are planning to leave for Tokyo, an unusual offer
to swap POW patients between the Chinese and the 4077th comes in.  Henry, after
much debate, agrees to send Hawk, Trap, Burns, Radar, and Klinger into enemy
territory.  Burns almost botches the swap when he brings a squirt gun to the
exchange.  Fortunately, the Chinese Dr. Lin Tam has a sense of humor (he went
to U. of Illinois, after all).
 
50. Life With Father
    Written by Everett Greenbaum and Jim Fritzell
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Bill Christopher, Sachiko Penny Lee
 
     Mail from home worries Henry that Lorraine may be seeing other men.
Father Mulcahy presides over a Jewish circumcision ceremony for the Korean-born
son of a US GI.
 
51. Springtime
    Written by Linda Bloodworth and Mary Kay Place
    Directed by Don Weis
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Bill Christopher, Alex Karras, Mary Kay Place, Greg
             Mabrey, Kelleye Nakahara, Gwen Farrell, Pat Stevens, Roy Goldman,
             Jeff Maxwell
 
     When spring arrives, Klinger gets word from home that his sweethart back
in Toledo wants to marry him.  Father Mulcahy (with help from Radar) arranges
to do this over short wave radio (?).  Radar falls in love with a nurse, while
a grateful patient won't leave Hawkeye alone--even threatens Maj. Burns.
 
52. Iron Guts Kelly
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Sid Dorfman
    Directed by Don Weis
    Guests:  James Gregory, Keen Curtis, Bobbie Mitchell, Byron Chung, Alberto
             Jay, Jeff Maxwell, Dennis Troy
 
     General Iron Guts Kelly dies inconviently in Houlihan's tent (perhaps the
excitement was too much?!), so his aide sets out to make it appear as if the
general has died gloriously in battle.
 
53. Payday
    Written by John Regier and Gary Markowitz
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Bill Christopher, Jack Soo, Eldo Quick, Johnny Haymer,
             Mary Katherine Peters, Bobbie Mitchell, Jeff Maxwell, Leland Sun,
             George Holloway, George Simmons, Pat Marshall
 
     Payday arrives, bringing lots of $$ for Hawkeye (for claiming he wasn't
getting what he should because of the war).  Burns buys his wife a pearl
necklace, and gives the fakes to Houlihan.  Trapper finally wins a huge poker
pot after stealing Hawk's watch, only to see the loot vanish to save Hawkeye's
neck (since he gave his windfall to the orphanage).
 
54. O.R.
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks
    Directed by Gene Reynolds
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Bill Christopher, Allan Arbus, Odessa Cleveland,
             Bobbie Mitchell, Bobby Herbeck, Orlando Dole, Jeanne Schulherr,
             Roy Goldman, Leland Sun
 
     The OR is filled with more wounded than the unit can handle.  Dr. Freedman
drops in during the deluge as well.
 
55. Officer of the Day
    Written by Laurence Marks
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Bill Christopher, Edward Winter, Dennis Troy, Jeff
             Maxwell, Jerry Fujikawa, Tad Horino, Richard Lee Sung, Mitchell
             Sakamoto, Norman Hamano, Mary Katherine Peters, Tom Lawrence
 
     While Henry is away in Seoul, Burns and Houlihan are in charge, and
Hawkeye is the officer of the day.  His refusal to release a wounded Korean
wanted by US Intelligence leads to a confrontation with Col. Flagg.
 
56. The General Flipped at Dawn
    Written by Jim Fritzell and Everett Greenbaum
    Directed by Larry Gelbart
    Guests:  Harry Morgan (!!!), Jamie Farr, Bill Christopher, Lynnette Metley,
             Theodore Wilson, Brad Trumbull, Dennis Erdman
 
     In a stunning performance that won him a role as Col. Potter, Harry Morgan
guests as loony General Bartford Hamilton Steele.  Even Klinger thinks Gen.
Steele is nuts when he mistakes Klinger for his wife, Marjorie.  Morgan won an
Emmy for his performance in this episode.
 
57. There is Nothing Like a Nurse
    Written by Larry Gelbart
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Loudon Wainwright III, Bill Christopher, Bobbie
             Mitchell, Molli Benson, Jeanne Schulherr, Leland Sun
 
     The nurses are evacuated when the threat of an enemy parachute drop
arises.  Hawkeye and Trapper try to enliven everyone's spirits with them gone.
 
58. Private Charles Lamb
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Sid Dorfman
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Ted Eccles, Titos Vandis, Gene Chronopoulos
 
     A Greek feast at the camp is foiled when soft-hearted Radar saves the main
course from the spit--a lamb, whom Radar tricks Henry into giving a medical
discharge and sends home to Ottumwa.  Thus, Hawkeye and Trapper invent the
famed Spam Lamb!
 
59. A Full Rich Day
    Written by John D. Hess
    Directed by Gene Reynolds
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Watson, Sirri Murad, Curt Lowens, Michael
             Keller, Kelleye Nakahara
 
     Hawkeye records a letter to his dad, detailing the exploits of a mad
Turkish soldier who calls Hawkeye a "damn good Joe," the unfortunate loss of
the corpse of a Luxembourg soldier (who turns out not to be dead), and of a
gun-happy officer.
 
60. Check-Up
    Written by Laurence Marks
    Directed by Don Weis
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Patricia Stevens, Jeff Maxwell
 
     Trapper gets an ulcer and a ticket home.  Unfortunately, his going-away
party is spoiled by a new Army regulation which forces him to stay.
 
61. Big Mac
    Written by Laurence Marks
    Directed by Don Weis
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Graham Jarvis, Loudon Wainwright III, Bob Courtleigh,
             Jeanne Schulherr
 
    The camp prepares for a visit from General MacArthur.  Klinger dresses as
the Statue of Liberty as the General's jeep drives through the camp.  Mac
Arthur is so impressed, he salutes!
 
62. Alcoholics Unanimous
    Written by Everett Greenbaum and Jim Fritzell
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, Bobbie Mitchell, William Christopher
 
     Henry's departure to Tokyo leaves Maj. Burns in charge of the 4077th.
He declares total prohibition of alcohol, which leads to a near riot amongst 
the camp (especially from Hawkeye and Trapper).
 
63. House Arrest
    Written by Jim Fritzell and Everett Greenbaum
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Christopher, Mary Wickes, Bobbie Mitchell,
             Jeff Maxwell, Dennis Troy, Kelleye Nakahara
 
    Hawkeye hits Maj. Burns and Houlihan is a witness, despite Hawkeye
and Trapper's claims that it wasn't intentional.  A female colonel is sent to
investigate Burns' allegations.  When she cries "Rape!" when Burns visits her
tent, Houlihan recants her story, and Burns, not Hawkeye, ends up under house
arrest.
 
64. Adam's Rib
    Written by Laurence Marks
    Directed by Gene Reynolds
    Guests:  Basil Hoffman, Joe Stern, Jeff Maxwell
 
    A riotous episode!  Hawkeye, driven near insanity, starts a riot in the
mess tent after several weeks of "a river of liver and an ocean of fish."  To
spice up their diets, Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar scheme to get spare ribs sent
to the 4077th from Chicago.  The ribs arrive, just in time for the arrival of
wounded.
 
65. Mad Dogs and Servicemen
    Written by Linda Bloodworth and Mary Kay Place
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Michael O'Keefe, Shizuko Hoshi, Arthur Song, Jeff Maxwell, Bobbie
             Mitchell
 
    Radar is bitten by a local dog, and the camp conducts a search to find the
pooch so that Radar doesn't have to undergo a series of painful rabies 
vaccinations.  Hawkeye defies Frank to take care of a GI who's suffering from a
case of hysterical paralysis.
 
66. The Consultant
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Robert Klane
    Directed by Gene Reynolds
    Guests:  William Christopher, Robert Alda, Joseph Maher, Tad Horino
 
    Dr. Borelli visits to demonstrate his artery transplant technique.  
Unfortunately, being so close to the front at the 4077th causes Borelli's 
drinking problem to interfere at the worst time--when a patient needs the 
transplant.
 
67. White Gold
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Simon Muntner
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Christopher, Edward Winter, Hilly Hicks,
             Stafford Repp, Michael A. Salcido, Danil Thorpe
 
    Colonel Flagg blows into camp trying to obtain penicillin to barter for 
information.  But Flagg comes down with appendicitis, and the only penicillin 
he gets is in the keister.
 
68. Bombed
    Written by Jim Fritzell and Everett Greenbaum
    Directed by Hy Averback
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Christopher, Louisa Moritz, Edward Marshall
 
    The camp is under fire and is swamped with wounded.  Maj. Burns is driven 
with jealousy of Trapper into proposing to Houlihan.
 
 
69. Love and Marriage
    Written by Arthur Julian
    Directed by Lee Philips
    Guests:  Soon-Tek Oh, Johnny Haymer, Dennis Dugan, Jerry Fujikawa, Pat Li,
             Bob Gruber, Jeanne Joe, William Christopher
 
    Hawkeye and Trapper prevent one GI from marrying a call girl who has TB, 
while trying to set up another Korean soldier join his pregnant wife (with 
Radar's help of course).
 
70. Aid Station
    Written by Larry Gelbart and Simon Muntner
    Directed by William Jurgensen
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Christopher, Tom Dever
 
    Hawkeye, Houlihan, and Klinger go to an aid station at the front.  Working 
closely together under heavy fire and unsanitary medical conditions, the three 
return to camp with new found respect for one another.
 
71. Bulletin Board
    Written by Larry Gelbart
    Directed by Alan Alda
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Christopher, Johnny Haymer, Patricia Stevens,
             Kelleye Nakahara
 
    Camp activities include Henry's nervous delivery of a sex lecture (while 
Hawkeye and Trapper heckle), a Shirley Temple movie, and a cookout.
 
72. Abyssinia, Henry
    Written by Everett Greenbaum and Jim Fritzell
    Directed by Larry Gelbart
    Guests:  Jamie Farr, William Christopher, Kimiko Hiroshige, Virginia Lee,
             Cherylene Lee, Ray Poss
 
    A classic!  Henry finally gets his discharge.  While Henry is tying things 
up, Burns prepares for his new command.  Henry bids a tearful adieu, but not 
before Klinger turns up in an outrageous tropical outfit (and gets Henry to zip
him up) and a kiss to Houlihan.  He gives Radar a hug and his last order:  "You
better be good now or I'm gonna come back and kick your butt!"  In the 
traumatic and shocking last scene, Radar announces that Henry has been killed 
when his plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan.
 
 
M*A*S*H TRIVIA QUIZ
 
              96  QUESTIONS ABOUT M*A*S*H
 
 1    What was the first question on the West Point exam that Klinger
      took ?
 
 2    What excuse did Henry use on the general for the reason Klinger
      was dressed up as a pregnant lady ?
 
 3    What pilot got named chopper pilot of the year for carrying 434
      wounded ?
 
 4    What was the name of the doctor in the Mash movie that was not in
      the series ?
 
 5    What song was playing when Frank was exposed to the camp while
      on the shitter?
 
 6    What's the name of BJ's babysitter back home?
 
 7    Which MASH regulars were promoted?
 
 8    Where was Radar promoted to Corporal Captain at. (Place and city)
      and why was he there?
 
 9    What was the name of the Black surgeon who shared quarters in the
      Swamp in early episodes of MASH and what was his real name from the
      movie
 
 10   What kind of a doctor was he?
 
 11   What was the VERY FIRST THING that BJ said to Frank?
 
 12   Who was the P.A. announcer in the TV series?
 
 13   What was Cpt. Pierces' imaginariy friends name ?
 
 14   Who banged Maj. Margret Hulahan besides Frank Burns In the original
      Movie ?
 
 15   What did Pierce put in the gin still to make Frank B. think they were
      lemon sqaushes ?
 
 16   In the final episode what did B.J. get from a group Chineese giverupers?
 
 17   What color did B.J. paint the cycle that he got in the final episode?
 
 18   What is the name of the episode that Pierce almost gets taken away by
      A psychologist for acting crazy ? ( eats the liver from the north Korean
 
 19   In the episode called "operation nose lift" what does "Baracuda" mean ?
 
 20   When Pierce won a jeep in a poker game from a supply seargent, what
      did he get in place of it ?
 
 21   What did Pierce do with the firing  pin from the howitzer?
 
 22   In the episode where Margret disapers, where is she really?
 
 23   In the same episode, Who was the only person who knew her where
      abouts, but was asleep?
 
 24   When Pierce sent radar to Seoul to get layed what happened to Radar?
 
 25   In the episode ping pong, how many points does Radar spot Potter ?
 
 26   What do Pierce and B.J. get in trade for their bath tub?
 
 27   In the final episode who leaves first but then comes back?
 
 28   In the original movie who is the big chest cutter (specialist) they
      bring in ?
 
 29   In the episode end run what is the football player's name from Iowa
      that looses his leg ? What position did he play ?
 
 30   Who accidently threw away Margrets wedding ring?
 
 31   Why do Pierce and BJ get ice cream in trade for their bath tub?
 
 32   Who took Radars tonsels out?
 
 33   Who got to take the most baths in the bath tube episode?
 
 34   In the bath tub episode what was Klinger's scam to get out of the
      army and how did it end up?
 
 35   How did Klinger say he was sorry for jumping in the bath tubb
      with Margret ? And what did he ask her ?
 
 36   How many seasons did the MASH episodes run for?
 
 37   Why did Wayne Rogers (Trapper John) leave the series?
 
 38   When Frank Burns declares alchohal not allowed on base, what three
      people disobey his order ?
 
 39   One episode were they have to bug out and they have a wounded
      soldier with a back injury that can not be moved, who stays behind
      with the patient ?
 
 40   In the episode were someone is trying to kill Henry Blake. Who
      is this person ?
 
 41   What is the name of the nurse who get s Henry Blake brought up on
      treason charges ( lending aid and comfort to the enemy )
 
 42   How does Henry prove these charges false ?
 
 43   What do Pierce and Klinger blow up with prima cord ?
 
 44   What gets written on the tounge depressors as they are glued to
      the tower ?
 
 45   What does M*A*S*H stand for ?
 
 46   What does B.J. say the intials B.J. stands for?
 
 47   What is the title to the Mash theme ?
 
 48   What character in the series said " stink fish pot "
 
 49   When Radar races his mouse against the Marines' mouse, why is
      it that he wins?
 
 50   What is the name of the spare rib restaurant in Chicago that
      Pierce orders ribs from?
 
 51   What does Pierce forget to order along with the ribs?
 
 52   In the poker game were Charles is playing, What does the gang
      figure out Charles does when he is bluffing?
 
 53   In the final episopde who drives the tank off the compound into
      the garbage pile to stop the shelling ?
 
 54   In the final episode how does Potter leave the camp at the end ?
 
 55   In the original movie, what charecter thinks he is a homosexual ?
 
 56   In what type of vehicle does Charles leave the camp in the final
      episode ?
 
 57   Who said " If my dog had a face like yours I would shave its but
      and teach him to walk backwards "
 
 58   How does Cpt. Pierce obtian a moose ( Yung He ) from a Sgt.that
      is just passing through ?
 
 59   In the original movie what is the nickname they call the dentist ?
 
 60   Who said " Someone came in here and comitted a cleanness " ?
 
 61   In the episode " mad dogs and servicemen" who do they think gets
      bitten by a dog with rabies ?
 
 62   In the episode " the bus " Who were the characters on the bus ?
 
 63   In the same episode,when the bus breaks down, who fixes it ?
 
 64   Who said " Kick Burns in the shins and give him a headache. " ?
 
 65   When the Mash group puts a time capsule in the ground, what does
      Charles put in ?
 
 66   When Klinger buys a goat from a peddler, What does the goat eat
      That gets Pierce in trouble ?
 
 67   Name the col. that wanted to court marshal Pierce, BJ, Charles
      and Margret.
 
 68   There were three times that radar was in the hospital, what were
      the causes for them ?
 
 69   Name The officer that claimed to be Christ.
 
 70   Whats the name of the general that flipped at dawn ?
 
 71   Who played general Steel ?
 
 72   Who said " It makes me no never mind ! "?
 
 73   IN what episode did Shelly Long appear ?
 
 74   What Instrumentdid Charles play that BJ and Pierce did not like ?
 
 75   How did they get rid of the french horn ?
 
 76   When Klinger wants to re-enlist, what oath does Col. Potter have
      him take ?
 
 77   Why is it that Klinger wants to re-enlist after all he has done
      to try and get out ?
 
 78   In the episode where Trapper wants to adopt a little Korean boy
      who's parents could not be found, What was the boys name, and
      why was Trapper unable to adopt him ?
 
 79   In the same episode, Who let the little boy wonder off into
      a mind field ?
 
 80   What is Pioneer aviation ?
 
 81   What was the name of the man who claimed to be a surgeon and
      really was not ?  What was his real name, and his assumed name ?
 
 82   Why do Pierce and BJ order sausage cassings from Tony Pacos in
      Toledo ?
 
 83   When Klinger recieved the 500 empty sausage cassings, what did
      He say would go great with them ?
 
 84   When Charles found an infant ( of mixed race ) outside the
      swamp, what was their final solution for finding the child
      a home ?
 
 85   When Radar was trying to get his highschool diploma through the
      mail, what was the name of of the org. he was getting it from ?
 
 86   What was the name of the psychologist that was sent by General
      Clayton to see if the 4077 should be split up ?
 
 87   When Maj. Burns saw a Korean digging in a near by field, what
      did he discover when he dug it up ?
 
 88   Name at least three cities that are on the sign post !
 
 89   What is the name of the General that wanted Pierce as his personal
      doctor ?
 
 90   What was the name of the Corpral that left Radar to take care
      of his girl and child ? What was the girls name ?
 
 91   Where was this Corpral from ?
 
 92   Radar had a mouse that raced against some Marines mouse,
      What was the name of Radars mouse and the Marines mouse ?
 
 93   When Maj. Magret Hulahan got married, who was the best man ?
 
 94   What part did Gen. Kesner play in M*A*S*H ?
 
 95   How did Winchester get assigned to the 4077 ?
 
 96   Who got a perfect score on the foot inspection ? 
 
 
              96  ANSWERS ABOUT M*A*S*H
 
 1    Mary's mother asked Mary to go to the store and buy 9 apples.  Mary
      can only carry 2 apples at a time.  How many trips to the store does
      Mary have to make?
 
 2    He's in the big show Saturday night.
 
 3    Dangerous Dan !!!!
 
 4    Duke Forester
 
 5    Stars and Stripes Forever
 
 6    Norma Jean. (18? 16. Ooh)
 
 7    Radar was promoted to 2nd Lt. (won in poker game by BJ &
      Hawkeye, Radar gives it back shortly after), Klinger promoted to
      Sergeant Father Mulcahy promoted to Captian
      Frank was promoted to Lt. Colonel when he was Stateside
      after he left the series.
      Also Radar's "promotion" to Corporal-Captain.
 
 8    Officer's Club, Kimpo Air Base, Seoul.
 
 9    Spearchucker. Dr. Oliver Wendell Jones.
 
 10   Neurosurgeon.
 
 11   Hi Ferret Face.
 
 12   The wounded soldier who gave Klinger a matchbook from "TheTreanage"
 
 13   Tuttle
 
 14   Duke Forest
 
 15   A lemon cough drop.
 
 16   A motorcycle
 
 17   Yellow
 
 18   Bananas, crackers and nuts
 
 19   A nurse
 
 20   A Howitzer
 
 21   He threw it into the cess pool.
 
 22   Delivering a baby in a near by village.
 
 23   Klinger
 
 24   He got wounded on the way
 
 25   18
 
 26   Two cases of 12 year old scotch and two quarts of strawberry ice cream.
 
 27   B.J.
 
 28   Trapper John
 
 29   Billy Tyler, Running back
 
 30   Klinger
 
 31   Because radar got his tonsels taken out.
 
 32   Colonel Potter
 
 33   Charles Emerson Winchester III
 
 34   He was going to melt himself (heat stroke) He ended up wripping
      off his clothes and jumping in the bath tubb with Margret.
 
 35   He brought her a bowl of Radar's ice cream and then he ask her what
      she was doing Saturday night?
 
 36   11
 
 37   Contract problems
 
 38   Pierce, Trapper and Margret
 
 39   Pierce, Margret and Radar
 
 40   Cowboy, the chopper pilot
 
 41   Nurse Kraty
 
 42   Pierce and Trapper bring nurse kraty to the trail and show that she
      did the aiding not Henry.
 
 43   The tower Pierce builds with tounge depressors.
 
 44   The names of the wounded who had passed through the 4077.
 
 45   Mobile Army Surgical Hospital
 
 46   Anything you want !OR Just about anything !
 
 47   Suicide is painless
 
 48   Frank Burns
 
 49   Charles Winchester gave radars mouse a small portoin of speed.
 
 50   Adam's Ribs.
 
 51   colslaw.
 
 52   He whistles louder when he has nothing.
 
 53   Cpt. Pierce
 
 54   On Sophie, the horse
 
 55   Painless pole
 
 56   A garbage truck.
 
 57   M.Q.Klinger
 
 58   He wins her in a poker game.
 
 59   Painless poll
 
 60   Trapper John
 
 61   Radar
 
 62   Potter, B.J., Pierce, Radar, Burns.
 
 63   A Chineese soldier that surrendered to them.
 
 64   Potter
 
 65   A bottle of boose
 
 66   The Pay Roll
 
 67   Col. Danial Webster Tucker
 
 68   Tonsels,shoulder wound,rabies
 
 69   Capt. Arnold Chandler
 
 70   General steel
 
 71   Sherman Potter-- Harry Morgan
 
 72   Frank Burns
 
 73   Bottle fatuige
 
 74   The french Horn.
 
 75   Ran it over with a jeep.
 
 76   The Presidential oath
 
 77   His X-wife is going to marry his best friend back in Toledo.
 
 78   Kim, they found his mother
 
 79   Frank Burns & Maj. Hulahan
 
 80   A make believe company that Pierce made up to make Frank look like
      a fool... So Frank would try to buy stock in the company.
 
 81   Sgt. Schwartz, Capt. Casey
 
 82   They were trying to build a kidney machine.
 
 83   500 empty beer cans.
 
 84   A monistary
 
 85   The triple A diplma company of Delivan Indiana
 
 86   Capt. Hildabrand
 
 87   cabbage or kimche
 
 88   Indianaplis, Connie Island, San Fran, LA, Soule, Burbank
 
 89   Gen. Ted Korsack
 
 90   Corp. Muligan, Mai Ping
 
 91   Bitter Creek, Wyoming
 
 92   Daisy, Slugo
 
 93   Frank Burns
 
 94   He is the Gen. that Frank Burns jumped in to the bath with
      fully clothed.
 
 95   He beat his comander at cribbage, and then Burns left and
      WINCHESTER GOT ASSIGNED THERE FOR EVER.
 
 96 Col. Potter