From a recent thread talking about the nose jokes from Cyrano de Bergerac and Roxanne. Subtitles from Gerard Depardieu's lines in _Cyrano de Bergerac_ 1. Agressive: A nose in such a state, I'd amputate. 2. Friendly: It must dip in your cup, you need a crane to hoist it up. 3. Descriptive: A rock, a bluff, a cape. No a peninsula in size and shape. 4. Curious: What is that oblong? A writing desk, or am I wrong? 5. Gracious: Are you fond of birds? How sweet. You provide a gothic perch for them to rest their feet. 6. Truculent: A smoker? I suppose the fumes gush out from that nose like a chimney on fire. 7. Kind: It will drag you in the mire head-first with its weight. 8. Tender: I'll have an umbrella made to give it some summer shade. 9. Pedantic: The beast of Aristophanes the hippocampocamelelephunt had flesh and bone like that up front. 10. Dramatic: It bleeds like the Red Sea. 11. Impressed: What a sign for a perfumery. 12. Lyrical: Ah, Triton rising from the waters. 13. Naive: How much to view the monument? 14. Warlike: Train it on the cavalry! 15. Practical: Put that in a lottery for noses and it'll be first prize. 16. And finally, with sighs and cries in language deeply felt: O that this too, too solid nose would melt. Steve Martin in _Roxanne_ 1. Obvious: Scuse me, is that your nose, or did a bus park on your face? 2. Meteorlogical: Everyone take cover, she's goiong to blow! 3. Fasionable: You know you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger.....like Wyoming! 4. Personal: Well, here we are. Just the three of us. 5. Punctual: Alright gentleman, your nose was on time, but you were fifteen minutes late! 6. Envious: Oooo, I wish I were you. To be able to smell your own ear. 7. Philisophical: You know it's not the size of the nose that's important. It's what's in it that matters. 8. Humerous: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle! 9. Commercial: Hi, I'm Earl Shive and I can paint that nose for $39.95! 10. Polite: Uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The orchestra keeps changing tempo. 11. Melodic: Everyone now, "He's got the whooole world...in his nose." 12. Sypathetic: Awww, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? 13. Complimentary: You must looove the little birdies, to give them this to perch on. 14. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides? 15. Obscure: Huh, I'd hate to see the grindstone. Hey, think about it. 16. Inquiry: When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid? 17. French: Say, the pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave! At which point he asks the crowd: "How many is that?" and one of his fire-fighters shouts: "Fourteen Chief!", who either was so drunk he couldn't count, took a blind guess, or just wanted to see if C.D. could come up with a few more than promised. 18. Religious: The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn't he? 19. Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? 20. Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine! 21. Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up and smell the coffee...in Brazil. 22. Appreciative: Ooo, how original. Most people just have their teeth capped. 23. Dirty: Pardon me sir, some of the ladies here asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. The only one borrowed from Cyrano is number 13, the one about a place for birds to perch. C.D. later repeats this line when he takes out his pet parakeet and indeed lets it perch on his probiscus.